I learned to listen the hard way. I was on a jazz gig early on in my playing, the saxophonist was soloing, and I was playing, or more like practicing everything I knew and not hearing or supporting them in any way. After his solo, he walked back to stand next to me while the piano player soloed. I turned to him hoping to get the look that I had just played some great stuff. Instead, he leaned into my face and said very directly "Why don't you try LISTENING to the soloist!" It was harsh, but my ears popped open at that moment. Everything changed. From that day on, I have heard everything anyone has ever played. I listen as though my life depends on it. And, if you are trying to be a working musician....it does....
Here is a snippet from a wonderful band I had the privilege to play with for 13 years. The Surreal Deal. Everybody in the band is a great listener. There's a lot going on musically, but it works because everyone is paying close attention.
I am forever grateful for the people who taught me how to listen.